One day, being my usual self, I observed that I dream a lot. To be estimating on the lower side of the scale, of all my waking hours, I would be dreaming 90% of the time. And these dreams are never coherent. With every change of focus, location, mood, time, or any other variable, the dream changes. When I get up in the morning, I see myself doing certain things for the day, when I am having my breakfast, I dream how better it could have been if I had got up a little earlier, while going to lab I see myself working more efficiently in my room, in lab I see myself discussing or being scolded or just waiting, at lunch I see myself in lab back again, in the evening at room I see myself doing things much differently if it was not the present condition, at night I see myself getting up early, exercising, writing a breakthrough paper, etc.
I do not know if it is the same condition with others, but presently I feel it as a behavioral disorder. The reason being, I am doing nothing except dreaming. At the present moment I am forcing myself into writing this post because my mind wants me to see myself at a point when I would not be like this – another dream. With this, I have gained an understanding as to why I am so incapable of performing the simplest of tasks efficiently – I mostly never live in the present moment. Believe me (take my word on this, I am writing about myself, I know it), for each and every moment when I have worked in the present, I have been super efficient – say it solving programming assignments, and the best example is – preparing for an exam in 2 hours and getting more marks than my fellow mates who would have worked at least 20 hours (I actually hate marks to quantify quality but then that is a different topic).
Now, if I have this understanding, why don’t I change myself? It is a very easy answer for me – “I am lazy!!” But this answer is far from reality. I use this answer in defense against myself. I am not lazy. A lazy person is not interested in doing anything. If I would have been lazy – even programming would have disinterested me. It would have been ‘What the heck! Another program?’ So, here it comes – interest and excitement. It feels more exciting to dream than to live in the present. It is not rewarding, but whatever makes me happy, right?
The best part of a dream is – I can be anybody and can do anything instantaneously – no strings attached. What suffers is – my life.
My note
I don’t know what this is post has to do with anyone else except me. I am writing after exactly 45 days. Welcome back to me 